I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
