new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
