I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
