It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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