Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
