i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
