your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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