I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
