i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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