So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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