new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So many bounce houses so little time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
