Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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