Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
