Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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