shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
