the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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