like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
