these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
