8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
