I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
