So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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