tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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