dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
