Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
