are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
