I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
