who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
