he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
