I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
