I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
