I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
