Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
