im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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