id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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