i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Come see our sink grown plant.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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