I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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