Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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