Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
