Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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