he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
