I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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