I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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