bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
