and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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