Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
