my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
