Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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