Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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