A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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