he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
