WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
