Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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