I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
