I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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