We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
